This one is the the continuity of the previous entries I've wrote regarding marriage issues (1st & 2nd). I'm not writing these articles to promote unmarried life for mankind, but to think how nowadays this holy matrimony has change into further despair for some of us (and I'm included). Marriage has become difficult in many ways, despite the Prophet Muhammad SAW has mentioned not to.
For those who think that I'm not married, then your guess is correct. Still, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't. Anyhow, these are my arguments whenever the topic of hindrance in marriage comes to mind.
4) Money is Everything
Some might disagree with me in this part with their own sense. I'm not saying that marriage are causing bankruptcy, nor giving hardship to sustain domestic economically. But the fact we're living in a place where money puts priority before others. Yes, rezk is from Allah, but it doesn't come served to you with any cherry-on-top. The most important thing is to work ourselves for it.
Apparently, for youth nowadays, in this current economic situation, we tend (had) to rely too much on external support rather than our own. Thus, asking from PaMa sponsorships, bank loan, Zakat from Baitulmal & BR1M (doesn't hurt to try isn't). This is just to compensate the cost of the wedding only. Not our spousal life yet, but the wedding first. The engagement ring, the dowry, the reception, the honeymoon. Which left us in the end in dept to clear out the mess we put in the first place.
Then we had to prepare for our new first born child with the delivery & child raising. With the expansion of family members, so does to our house, transportation and daily/monthly expense. When the time comes, child education is a must. Daycare, primary to secondary school, tuition & extra classes, books & stationary, more and more stuff coming on. Later on, their higher education. Its either sponsorship or loan, still we had to support for them in a loving ways isn't it?
I might have gone far-fetched for my own soon-to-come family. But, heck I should think about it now after. Preparing for it in this manner should give a kick-start to work harder to bring a happy family at home. To know how much I'll spend my savings for how many members of the family. The smaller my annual income, the smaller it has to be. Without careful family planning (starts since the beginning of engagement), marriage might be the best way of contraception.
5) Listening is the Key of Understanding
The word 'NO' could be one of the direct way of contraception. Make sense doesn't it? In another way unfortunately this is not the one that I'm going to chat about.
Using words are the means of communication in any society, thus puts us from the primary level which is family. Even if you are really talking to the deaf or hearing impaired person, still, any method of converse will develop later on. What comes to bother me in any marriage when some people hear, but are they listening well enough?
Even worse than being selective listener is never at all.
Understanding is what we should have in the mind of husband and wife. No matter how difficult of the course went, its the both of them will going through.
For husbands (including my future self), listen to your beloved wife (wives). Her day long work is just another great story to her memoir. It could never been nagging when you could listen well to every little details. Even though we might not engrave everything she might said into our mind, but attention is what she most seek at that time.
For wives out there, you might too work for the family income, or you would have the opportunity to watch your sons & daughters grew day-by-day near-by them. Either way, you will also be the same girl your husband fell in love before. Even if the time has passed by so long ago, but, held the family institution strong, as you are the bond that kept things working around the house.
Talk with each other. Know more about one another. Learn good & bad about anything. Any unresolved issues, any difficulties, jealousy, if really not suited to have more members (the mom or the kids, I'm just saying) talk about it. Then understand.
No matter the sound of sigh, sobbing or slight increase of tone between both partners. Remind ourselves that marriage has brought ourselves together. Disputes may happen, so does agreements.
Conclusion
Some of us may say it is good opportunity for overcrowded countries to reduce its population. But, as the population shrinks, so does the culture. Not to mention the work force to sustain the national income. Plus, no one could possibly predicts the continuity of the ones life and also the continuity of our own family tree. There are multiple causes of death from trauma, natural disasters, communicable and non-communicable diseases. In other words, a non-indicated contraception should be avoided.
For those who think that I'm not married, then your guess is correct. Still, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't. Anyhow, these are my arguments whenever the topic of hindrance in marriage comes to mind.
4) Money is Everything
Some might disagree with me in this part with their own sense. I'm not saying that marriage are causing bankruptcy, nor giving hardship to sustain domestic economically. But the fact we're living in a place where money puts priority before others. Yes, rezk is from Allah, but it doesn't come served to you with any cherry-on-top. The most important thing is to work ourselves for it.
Apparently, for youth nowadays, in this current economic situation, we tend (had) to rely too much on external support rather than our own. Thus, asking from PaMa sponsorships, bank loan, Zakat from Baitulmal & BR1M (doesn't hurt to try isn't). This is just to compensate the cost of the wedding only. Not our spousal life yet, but the wedding first. The engagement ring, the dowry, the reception, the honeymoon. Which left us in the end in dept to clear out the mess we put in the first place.
Then we had to prepare for our new first born child with the delivery & child raising. With the expansion of family members, so does to our house, transportation and daily/monthly expense. When the time comes, child education is a must. Daycare, primary to secondary school, tuition & extra classes, books & stationary, more and more stuff coming on. Later on, their higher education. Its either sponsorship or loan, still we had to support for them in a loving ways isn't it?
"Mommy, I want that pink Barbie backpack, can you ask papa to buy it for me?"If one is manageable, so does 2-3 more of them?
"Dad this Ben10 beg is awesome, can I have it, can I, can I?"
"Ayah, my friend kan, they have this cool smartphone and bring it at school. Can I have one too? It has awesome dictionary apps, easy making mind-maps apps, light weight PDF Reader for Ebooks and some game along as complement"
"Abah, abah, teacher today wants us to go to education & motivational camp this holiday. He wants everyone to sign up for this for our PMR"
I might have gone far-fetched for my own soon-to-come family. But, heck I should think about it now after. Preparing for it in this manner should give a kick-start to work harder to bring a happy family at home. To know how much I'll spend my savings for how many members of the family. The smaller my annual income, the smaller it has to be. Without careful family planning (starts since the beginning of engagement), marriage might be the best way of contraception.
5) Listening is the Key of Understanding
The word 'NO' could be one of the direct way of contraception. Make sense doesn't it? In another way unfortunately this is not the one that I'm going to chat about.
Using words are the means of communication in any society, thus puts us from the primary level which is family. Even if you are really talking to the deaf or hearing impaired person, still, any method of converse will develop later on. What comes to bother me in any marriage when some people hear, but are they listening well enough?
Even worse than being selective listener is never at all.
Understanding is what we should have in the mind of husband and wife. No matter how difficult of the course went, its the both of them will going through.
For husbands (including my future self), listen to your beloved wife (wives). Her day long work is just another great story to her memoir. It could never been nagging when you could listen well to every little details. Even though we might not engrave everything she might said into our mind, but attention is what she most seek at that time.
For wives out there, you might too work for the family income, or you would have the opportunity to watch your sons & daughters grew day-by-day near-by them. Either way, you will also be the same girl your husband fell in love before. Even if the time has passed by so long ago, but, held the family institution strong, as you are the bond that kept things working around the house.
Talk with each other. Know more about one another. Learn good & bad about anything. Any unresolved issues, any difficulties, jealousy, if really not suited to have more members (the mom or the kids, I'm just saying) talk about it. Then understand.
No matter the sound of sigh, sobbing or slight increase of tone between both partners. Remind ourselves that marriage has brought ourselves together. Disputes may happen, so does agreements.
Conclusion
Some of us may say it is good opportunity for overcrowded countries to reduce its population. But, as the population shrinks, so does the culture. Not to mention the work force to sustain the national income. Plus, no one could possibly predicts the continuity of the ones life and also the continuity of our own family tree. There are multiple causes of death from trauma, natural disasters, communicable and non-communicable diseases. In other words, a non-indicated contraception should be avoided.
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